Normally, I feel that guilt (and blame) have no place in living a good and productive life. However, the guilt I am feeling is nearly overwhelming.
My current guilty feelings stems from the fact that I did not aggressively pursue answers for my mother earlier in life. Did I want to? Yes. Did I think about her? Yes. In fact, every birthday and every mother's day I ever lived has been ruined with abandonment issues.
Every birthday and mother's, I was consumed with "How could a mother do this? Why did she abandon me? Where is she? Why doesn't she come find me?"
And now I am wracked with guilt that I didn't find HER. I know I wouldn't have found her, but the answers would have come sooner and maybe she could have rested better and sooner.
Then again, maybe she never will.