Tuesday, June 29, 2010

~~Road Trip, Finale~~

Up by 6 and out the door by 6:15. 

Jill called to come to help, but before she called us, she called her massage therapist, who is also clairvoyant. The therapist told Jill that Gracie is in the woods near the house, that no one has her and that we would find her that day.

Okay...for what it is worth. We hung up and started onto the path into the woods. 

Anne was looking forward and I just happened to look up on the right. I SCREAMED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   "There she is!!!"  

As we were passing, "Softly saying, 'Gracie...good girl...Gracie," she just popped up, ears forward, as if to say, "Hi Mommies!  It's about time you got home and found me!"

I went around one way and Anne around the other.  At 6:30am, Gracie was found and so very happy!!! 

She was so happy that she pooped.  So did we. So there.






~~Road Trip, Part Two~~

~~Well~~  

We got up in the morning and got a message that Gracie was still not home. We looked at each other with that "knowing mother's" look.  We must cut our trip short and go directly home.

It's okay.  Not to worry.  Just one mile at a time...and a helluva lot of them! 

Anne was so sad and so worried.  I pretended not to be...but I was.  Just like there are special needs dogs for humans, Gracie HAS the special needs.  She is so very afraid of humans and is lost.

We climb in the pimpmobile and are off.  Silence isn't like us, but we were. 

Anne was so tired.  She put her seat back and put her pigs up on the dashboard.  Yes...we named people who do that, too.

Weary of of chewing my gum, I put the chewed piece on her drink lid.  She saw it a few minutes later and popped it in her mouth.  Of course, that was mean and I laughed.

After a LOT of trauma and tears, we pulled in the driveway around 8p.  Even before we unloaded, we grabbed the flashlights and went to call Gracie. 

We trampled through woods, weeds, water and poison stuff.  No Gracie. We planned to get up super early and continue searching.



Exhausted we went back to the house and unloaded the car.  I have no idea what time it was when we finally passed out.. 

~~ Sigh ~~ 


~~Road Trip~~

Bear with this post, as you might find it a bit disjointed, but then again, so was our road trip!

We started off fairly early...for us. Loaded and fired up the PIMPMOBILE around 7am.  Off to lovely Payson, AZ where we stopped for breakfast. Anne sat down and when the server asked what she wanted to drink, Anne snapped, "I want coffee NOW!"  REEEEAR  (claws out!)

 

She really didn't mean it the way it came out, but service was certainly swift after that.  We were in and out of there in 30 or less.  Let's go!

I'll save the boring details of where we passed, but will share the funny way we passed!

~~ Have you ever played "20 Questions" with someone you know VERY well?

~~ Have you ever laughed so hard that you couldn't breathe...until your friend             threatened that if you pee'd in her new car, she'd throw you out...in the desert?

I will not print what made me laugh so hard. 
Email me if you really want to know!

~~ Have you ever re-named every race on the planet, including your own?  (Again, email me....if you dare....)

~~ Have you ever been in a two bedroom suite and continued emailing each other on either side of a closed door?

~~ Have you ever exited the highway to hide from a cop?

Story: 

So...I was "slightly" speeding, and I saw him turn around on the interstate. Phuck!   He is after us! Okay, next exit, we are exiting and going to hide in a parking lot. He is  behind us. Oh...gosh...where is the next exit. One mile. Okay... we exit... Crap... HE exits. Calm.... calm... pull in a auto shop and hide.... Whew! He goes on! (Ya think I've done this before?) Yep.... COPPPPPPERS!

 

~~ Have you ever seen the National Petrified Forest?  Where are the trees?

~~ Have you ever seen a petrified wood?

 ~~ Have you ever had a server come up to you and say, "Hi, my name is Birtha.  My fiance is in prison.  What may I get you?"

~~ Have you ever been in a car in which a woman climbs in and screams, "Owwww!  I hit my cl*t!!!?

 

That was nearly the end of our fun, as we got the dreaded call that Anne's "special needs" rescue lab was lost.  Gracie needed her mommies to come home quick.

 

~~~~~~~more to come~~~~~~~





Wednesday, June 16, 2010

~~Pink Floyd~~

I am currently "UNCOMFORTABLY NUMB."  It was easier for me to "accept and let go" in the thought that Mother was dead.

Today, I've learned through my newly-found cousin's mother that my mom may indeed be alive.  

She ran away....at the exact same age I was when I ran away...from him...

Uncomfortably numb....more later...when I can feel again....





Tuesday, June 15, 2010

~~Final Traps~~

Well, today is the day I have decided to run my final traps in hopes of finding out about what happened to my mother, Frances Louise Wells. Sadly, at least four decades have passed since anyone has said her name aloud.  I feel overwhelming sadness on so many levels...absolutely overwhelming.

Tomorrow, I may find out, or more likely, let it go forever. Frankly, I don't know if I am ready to do either.  



Friday, June 11, 2010

~~Rest in Peace~~

Regarding my mother, I have two more traps to run. I may get answers; however, it is likely that I may not.  Either way,  it will be my duty to let my questions, concerns, and pain regarding her...and her...to rest in peace.

No matter what, I will have more peace going forward than ever before.  It is all good.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

~~Road Trip to Springfield...final day~~

I am not sure if I am a "gotta have the last word" person.  You'd have to ask others about that.  Actually, don't ask, as I don't  want to know.

Anyway, on this particular occasion, I DID want to have the last word. Several posts back I wrote my feelings as I prepared mentally and emotionally for my trip to Springfield. When printed, it turned out to be a full three pages of painful passion.

I knew that confronting my father for ruining my childhood and much of my adulthood would do nothing for me.  And I wanted to do something that would help me, not hurt me.  


So, like a criminal, I went to the local Dollar Store in Springfield for "supplies."  I bought duct tape, large water-proof baggies and a pair of scissors.  I bought a bottle of "Dago Red" and went back to my room.  I stuffed 8 copies in 8 of the bags and sealed them, as it was supposed to rain.  I packed the bags, the tape and the scissors.  I was getting ready to complete my final mission on this particular road trip.

The next morning, I rose early to head south to Belleville.  I knew exactly where I was going.  My first stop was at my "brother's and his wife's house."  I parked slightly away from the house so no one could see me.  I cut to large pieces of duct tape and taped two bags on his house.  I wanted to tape one on his old, ratty pick up truck, but it was parked in front of a window.

So THERE! 



Then, I went to 604 Villa Drive, Belleville, IL.  The old place had not been kept up at all. The 3/4 acre lot that I used to have to mow by hand was overgrown. The paint was peeling from the garage door and from the wooden frames around the red brick home.  All the curtains were drawn tight.  I will bet you it was dark inside.  And he was in there.

I know he was.  I've been told he is house bound.  Once I saw the place, I turned around and parked at the top of a hill out of sight.  I then prepared three bags.  Once they were prepared, I quickly pulled into the driveway up to the garage door.  I jumped out and taped a bag to the window of the garage.  Another crappy pick up truck was parked inside.  I then ran up the stairs to the front door and taped another bag to the concrete stairs.

Finally, I pulled out, jumped out and taped another bag to the banged up mailbox.
 So, I am not sure if I am a "get the last word in," person, 
but I got the last word this time!


Oh...I forgot, I posted the other bags on telephone poles along the street!

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

~~Meltdown~~

Jennifer Berry Ealey
 
yes,I did! I just joined this family 5 years ago and they are such wonderful people! (This part of them,that is) I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason,and the reason you found them is to finally get to know the not so nasty side of the Parisottos :) I wish every day since I met you that you could have met Rudy and get some ... See Moreanswers,but maybe the answers you are searching for are too painful to bare and thats why you met them after... noone will ever know... I hope we keep in touch :))
5 minutes ago ·
MiMi Paris
MiMi Paris
Oh Lord.. Jen...You are so perceptive. I am deeply hurt that I was/am a part of the nastiness.... but I don't feel it. I am such a loving, caring, sensitive person. I am not the monster that they are/were. I will write more in my blog what I did when I left Springfield. Just not today. Today is my meltdown day. I knew it would happen. 
 
Today is the day.

I don't ever HOPE. I DO. We WILL stay in touch! Love you!

Monday, June 7, 2010

~~Road Trip to Springfield...Mom~~

On the first day of my road trip, I had to muster the courage to even get ON the road. I was in pieces before I left my hotel room. On that same day, I had to face debilitating fear...yet again in life.  But I did experience unconditional love from family...something I never, ever had...not ever.

On the second day, I had to face crushing disappointment on my quest to find any clues about my mother.  She lived in Rochester, Illinois.  
One thing that gave me great peace is that she came from a beautiful space in the world, with green lush hills, mature trees and many lakes and streams.  (hmmmm....)

I really appreciated seeing where she lived, as it was tranquil, quiet and slow...in a gentle way.  I also appreciated the spirit of the place.

And in the spirit of looking for blackberries...even through the thorns...  I am so thankful that the Universe placed this on my pathway to Mom's place.  How lovely....and APPROPRIATE!

Thank you, Universe!    


~~Dago Red~~

As we were drinking dry red "JUG" wine from tumblers, my cousin David, told me about one of the family's favorite traditions.  Every year the family would make 50 gallons of their very own dry red wine.  They bottled it and called it "Dago Red."


I thought, "Hey, what if I revived the Parisotto family tradition? What if I can find a wine maker to private label a dry red?  I'll call it DAGO RED!"


Well...I looked up "Dago" and found out that it is an offensive word!


PHUCK!



~~Mood~~

Many people are commenting about my humor during this challenging time of exploration and discovery.

How can I be funny at a time like this?  Are they curious or are they judging?  I don't know and I don't care.

I just think, "Why would you go on a hunt for blackberries and focus only on the thorns?"


 

Friday, June 4, 2010

~~Road Trip to Springfield...Joey~~

Becky searched her mother's hand written phone book to find Joey's Florida home number.  She called.  He answered!

After a few moments she put Joey on speaker, and we heard, "Oh MiMi!  Oh MiMi Parisotto!  I cannot believe you are there!  MiMi!!  MiMi, the last time I saw you, you were a little bitty baby with casts on your legs!  Oh MiMi!"

Then Joey told us more.  He told us that Johnny never told the family that he had two babies.  We were in foster care from the time I was 11 months old and dumped in a city park until I was 5 years old.

Joey told me that they (John and Ruth) told the family that they "found" two little kids in foster care, and that because Ruth couldn't have children, they were going to adopt the two little ones.  What phucking BULLSHIT!  I have my phucking birth certificate, you cock sucker!

Joey told me that no one liked Ruth...that she was a skinny little bitch that needed a "phucking" bowl or two of pasta!  (He loves to say "phuck," too.  Said it is a "Dago thing.")

Net/net, my father and his "bride" lied to their family and denied parenthood.  Nice.  So...where the phuck is my mother?

Joey said that Mac and Martha, my grandparents, would beat Johnny until he bled.  They were incredibly abusive.  Johnny beat me constantly...that wasn't an excuse.  Sorry.  No excuses.  None.  Not ever.  Not even close.  I never beat my children.  I had to take the abuse and it effects and stop the pattern of abuse.  I did, you sorry son of a bitch.

Joey was so sad that all this had happened to me.  But just as happy that he "found" me.  I cannot wait to meet him in person.  


Aside from the horrible truth, speaking with Joey was so much fun!  He is a 61-year old "exotic" dancer.  You can read more about him in a few posts back.  Don't miss it!


He dances for "mature" women with his dance troupe.  ALL money...even tip money...goes to charities.


Here...meet Joey....





 

~~Road Trip to Springfield...con'td~~

So, we were sitting there at the kitchen table in the small, old home in which my cousins grew up, 1633 Milton Street.  We were eating pizza, drinking wine, and generally having a great time.

We were rummaging through old pictures...and looking specifically for any of John and Ruth (my step mother) at their wedding.


Two other cousins, David and Doug came in.  Doug and his girlfriend Jen (she is a jailer) brought her two young children.  Now, the little house was full of people and activity.

 Smile, Dave!

 Meet Doug Parisotto.


We were digging through mounds of faded, dusty photos, stopping here and there to poke fun of the funny ones.
I picked up a white folder from the pile and opened it.  Immediately, I threw it across the table.  There it was.  I would be the one to find the photo for which we were searching.

Becky picked it up.  There she was, the little flower girl.  Also, there stood  Uncle Rudy and Cousin Joey in the photograph.

I was sick to my stomach to see the images staring back at me.

After we saw the picture, Dave had a great idea.  He said, "Let's call Joey.  He may know more than anyone here!"

~~about Joey next~~






Thursday, June 3, 2010

~~Road Trip to Springfield...con'td~~

The birthday party was surreal for me. It was as if I were an outsider looking in at all of this.  I met cousins.  I met another great aunt, Aunt Teresa, Rudy's sister. She is 93 and hysterical!  She cried when we met, as she is "Johnny Wayne's" god-mother. People were everywhere!  It was an out-of-body experience. I've never been at a gathering of family...MY family.  I am used to being an outsider at others' family functions, but never an insider at MY family function.  Too strange.

(Aunt Teresa and Cousin Larry)

Someone once told me, "Happiness is about expectation management."  I had no expectations going into this event, so I was pleasantly surprised.  No one left me alone.  And those of you that know me understand how important that was for me. I wonder if they intuitively knew to keep me company? 

The birthday bash only lasted for two hours, but it seemed to last much, much longer. When it was all over, Becky asked if I wanted to go to her mother's house and sift through pictures of the family.  She was the flower girl at my father's wedding, and she was certain that her mother would have pictures.  

She pulled a very large, dusty box that was falling apart from the attic. She sat it on the floor, and we dove in.  

Soon, Dave, Becky's brother (my cousin), came in with a beer.  "MiMi, do you like beer?  Or wine?"  Oh, please.  I love wine!  "Mom has some cooking wine!  Let's drink it!"  Ha!  I'm going to fit in just fine!  As all good Italians do, we drank the wine from tumblers, not wine glasses.  Love it!  


We need to eat, so we call Laura Rose, and ask her to get pizzas.  Laura comes over, brings pizza and more wine.  Good thing because I knocked over my tumbler!  Wine everywhere!  Good thing Mom just left for vacation...so the mice can play!

We had such a good time--drinking wine, eating pizza, sifting through pictures and getting to know each other--family.

~~more to come~~  


~~Road Trip to Springfield~~

The road trip really started several months ago when I received the invitation to attend my second cousin's mother's surprise 80th birthday party. As I contemplated meeting my "family" for the first time, my anxiety hit levels that I have never experienced. (And I tend to be quite anxious anyway!)

I wrote the "rawest" entry in this blog that I've ever written. Through the sobs and the tissues, I laid out how I live and what I have to live with due to the intentional actions of a truly evil human being. "Human being" is too good of a sentiment for him.

I was sick to death of being his victim. It was past due that I took a power position over him.  

The morning that I was preparing to travel from St. Louis to Springfield, I had a full blown panic attack.  I almost didn't go.  But I had to.  If I didn't make the trip, he'd be winning again.  He'd be controlling me still.

Springfield is about 90 miles north of St. Louis.  I dreaded the trip, as I thought that I would be drudging up all the horrible, terrifying, unimaginable abusive moments of my life.  I thought I wouldn't make it, as I would be reliving my life under his terror.

Actually, the opposite happened. About 20 miles into the trip, I realized that I was forgetting to breathe.  OOPS.  Once I started to breathe, a peace washed over me like a warm shower. I can't describe it any other way.  It was peace...for maybe the first time in my life, I felt peace.  I could learn to live in peace.

Once I was in Springfield, I checked into the hotel and got a call from Becky, "Where are you????"  "Omigosh," I thought, "Is this even real?  Is this really happening?"  So, as my dear friend Anne tells me, "Put on your big girl panties and go!" And so I did.

I drove out to the lovely country place where the partiers waited for Laura, the birthday girl.  Becky was waiting for me... We embraced right away.  I cried...per usual.  

Becky and MiMi Parisotto.  You see that guy in the background?  That is Ron!  He knows everything and everybody!  He introduced me to my entire family!










And here is Laura Parisotto, matriarch of the Parisotto family.

This story can be overwhelming, so I will write more later...stay tuned and stay connected.