Thursday, June 3, 2010

~~Road Trip to Springfield~~

The road trip really started several months ago when I received the invitation to attend my second cousin's mother's surprise 80th birthday party. As I contemplated meeting my "family" for the first time, my anxiety hit levels that I have never experienced. (And I tend to be quite anxious anyway!)

I wrote the "rawest" entry in this blog that I've ever written. Through the sobs and the tissues, I laid out how I live and what I have to live with due to the intentional actions of a truly evil human being. "Human being" is too good of a sentiment for him.

I was sick to death of being his victim. It was past due that I took a power position over him.  

The morning that I was preparing to travel from St. Louis to Springfield, I had a full blown panic attack.  I almost didn't go.  But I had to.  If I didn't make the trip, he'd be winning again.  He'd be controlling me still.

Springfield is about 90 miles north of St. Louis.  I dreaded the trip, as I thought that I would be drudging up all the horrible, terrifying, unimaginable abusive moments of my life.  I thought I wouldn't make it, as I would be reliving my life under his terror.

Actually, the opposite happened. About 20 miles into the trip, I realized that I was forgetting to breathe.  OOPS.  Once I started to breathe, a peace washed over me like a warm shower. I can't describe it any other way.  It was peace...for maybe the first time in my life, I felt peace.  I could learn to live in peace.

Once I was in Springfield, I checked into the hotel and got a call from Becky, "Where are you????"  "Omigosh," I thought, "Is this even real?  Is this really happening?"  So, as my dear friend Anne tells me, "Put on your big girl panties and go!" And so I did.

I drove out to the lovely country place where the partiers waited for Laura, the birthday girl.  Becky was waiting for me... We embraced right away.  I cried...per usual.  

Becky and MiMi Parisotto.  You see that guy in the background?  That is Ron!  He knows everything and everybody!  He introduced me to my entire family!

And here is Laura Parisotto, matriarch of the Parisotto family.

This story can be overwhelming, so I will write more later...stay tuned and stay connected.


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