Effective communicators understand that when people feel defensive, rightly or wrongly so, all hope of mutual understanding ceases to exist. There are a few words and phrases that are "make wrongs" which automatically cause the listener to put up the defensive, rendering all next communication mute.
One of these "make wrongs" is the word "should." When you say "should" to someone, you are making them wrong about what to do or how to feel. Or you are telling them they are wrong for how they handled something. That never works.
So, stop "shoulding"--on yourself and on others!